Irony
by TML Productions
Summary: Life has a way of tossing the unexpected at us, Murphy has never had more fun than this. Hellsing with x-overs.
1. Prologue

First chapter everyone, we do hope you enjoy. It will be the first of MANY. TML Productions does not own _Hellsing_ or any of the other realities that are present in this fanfiction with the exception of the original characters.

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**Irony**

**By ToubleMakerandLuckless Productions**

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**Chapter 1**

**Prologue  
**

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_The multi-verse theory – is among one of the most confounding and mind boggling theories to ever exist. The theory had been thought up by a rather portly man who spent far too much time in his basement and far too little time on his personal hygiene. Respectable scientists had rejected the theory as ludicrous and idiotic, and by the ever present laws of the universe – the theory was completely and utterly true._

A low grunt was all that could be managed as he got hurled through the concrete wall, several thoughts ran through his mind; ranging from the anger at his adversaries, to his mental curses at his considerable injuries. The man snapped out of his daze as the solid crack of a musket ball exploding out of a barrel tore through the air, followed by a crazed catlike screech and the sound of boots clattering across the ground at an inhuman pace.

_Among many parts of the theory a few sections prove to be of particular interest. Paragraph four; sentence thirteen – For every possible action, there will be a universe where it had occurred. The realms of probability are endless – what if Franz Ferdinand had not been assassinated? What if the Cuban Missile Crisis had gone sour? What if gods and devils walked among us? What if fiction was reality and reality fiction? _

With a crazed snarl, the tattooed monster of a woman let loose a brutal assault. Her opponent was unarmed, while she had her scythe and her "talents". To think that such a puny weakling could best her was beyond imagining. For all her bluster, her opponent had remained steadfast, dodging each slash or getting away with mere flesh wounds, and replying with thunderous blows, and her attempts to cripple his mind met with violent resistance. However in her mind, one way or another, he would fall and so would his fellow fools.

_Paragraph nineteen; Sentence three – within the realms of the multi-verse, anything and everything can be possible. Nothing was beyond the realms of existence. Zombie apocalypses might happen, as could Armageddon. Mighty conquerors may plummet from the stars to do battle with our people, only to be bested by our might, or that we may be bested by theirs. Vampires might live and walk among us in the sunlight, and in a disturbing thought sparkle. – It is to be noted that the author of the theory proceeded to rant on about how said sparkling vampires would be lynched in most horrid ways that would make gore-fest enthusiasts cringe in horror – and that characters that we have perceived as fictitious are flesh and blood._

Hordes and hordes of them came, and he killed them. They were not like the ones his comrades fought. These were weak. Insignificant. He fought and killed regardless, grasping one by the neck ignoring its choked hissing and its raking of his arm and pulled the pins off the stick-grenades strapped to its trench-coated body, quickly flinging it into the crowd. He watched, emotionless, as the explosion consumed many of them but left them aware. Alive was not a word he would use for these things. Forty-two down, over nine hundred left to put back into the grave.

_Paragraph twenty three; last sentence – In regards to the multi-verse theory no rules or laws are concrete save three._

_One – Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong can and will go wrong._

The fat man chuckled as he regarded his "guest". With a bemused chortle and an insane leer he spoke in a grating tone filled with sickening mirth. "Such a beautiful var you haf brought to me, I vill look forvard to sharing this delight vith England… _nein_! Vith the rest of the vorld!" The demented porcine man gestured broadly to the maps surrounding him, his insanity growing with the noises of battle that seeped in. "Tell me _…_how does it feel to haf your fellows die around you? To know that you couldn't stop us? To know that you haf failed?"

_Two – The unexpected will always happen._

A fiery explosion tore through the air of a dead and deserted region in South America. As smoke plumed into the sky, the wind seemed to fill with shrieks and the sounds of war before finally falling silent. A small and bloodied group slowly dragged itself from the fading flames, all evidence of the battle soon to be swept away by nature and time – as if it had never been there.

_Three – Irony, in all its shapes and forms will forever be a constant._


	2. Next Time, Remember the Rules

TML Productions does not own _Hellsing_ or any of the other realities that are present in this fanfiction with the exception of the original characters.

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**Irony**

**By TroubleMakerandLuckless Productions  
**

**Chapter 2  
**

**Next Time, Remember the Rules**

London international airport was a bustle of activity. People numbering in the hundreds scattered across the entirety of the area – like ants within a nest, moreso now with the recent overseas arrivals – tourists flowing out of the planes like a biblical flood of uncomfortable groaning men and women. Two of them in particular, both quite glad to be out of the winged sardine can they had the misfortune to be aboard.

All hail the Motherland, for some at least.

"Whoo...that wasn't so bad, now was it?" were the words that came out of the young Caucasian brunette's mouth as she flicked an errant strand of hair away from her face, her tone somewhat chipper but mostly tinged with relief to be off that damned plane.

Her companion, an Easterner by appearance, looked half-attentive, paying much of his attention to the cup of noodles in his hand, "I'm just lucky I brought some food of my own, I mean...seriously Lara ... did you see some of the stuff they were serving?" A small shudder and a look of mild disgust followed.

Lara snickered and gave her friend and brother – through name only – a playful bop on the arm. "Hey! Come on Wes, those tea cookies rocked! I even swiped a few for later."

Wesley merely kept eating the noodles, slurping softly. "Mmh...those're an excep-GACK!". One coughing fit later and a rather gross noodle landed back in the cup, earning a bout of laughter from his sister figure.

"Come on genius, immigration's this way". Lara promptly received an annoyed noise and a glare which she was far too used to – which soon broke into a long suffering sigh as he trailed after her.

A short time later – and following a gruesome battle with at the Luggage Claim where the bespeckled Asian came out victorious after _some_ struggle – and the two newest sightseers to United Kingdom's shores were well on their way to gaining their first taxi ride in another country.

Lara was doing her best to hold back the large amounts of snickering as the Malaysian struggled to drag the bag with him, waiting by her own luggage. "You got everything Wes?" Her brother gave a small nod before kicking the large bag lightly. "Yeah, everything else is in here" he motioned to the large backpack in his possession as they made their way out to the taxi-stands.

"Cool! Great minds think alike" Lara gave Wesley a happy grin as she hefted the bulky blue Jansport backpack onto her shoulder, looking around as the cool clammy air of London hit their faces. "Well.. let's go catch ourselves a taxi, get to our hotel and go do some exploring. Savvy?" Lara gave wink followed by a soft laugh at the look of exasperation on her companion's face.

"Seriously Lara, did you have to quote Pirates? Ever since dad watched the movie it's been savvy this and savvy that all day long."

Not one to be offended so easily Lara gave off a snicker before speaking up, "Don't tempt me to start quoting. I might as well have a neon sign saying that-TAXI!"

Cutting off her sentence in favour of hailing a taxi, the young woman waved her hand in the air until she caught the attention of one. Wesley softly shook his head as the taxi got close, "As long as the impressions don't go on too long...dad always made me do a lot of them to keep the cousins entertained, and damn me if I'm not put off that crap for a while"

Lara rolled her eyes at him as the driver opened the trunk, putting her bags in with the cabbie's assistance before taking a drunken stance. "As it is now, I know _just_ the thing to counteract that which you have bothering you." The American grinned bemusedly as her audience gave her a wry smile and a head shake rather than a standing ovation as Wesley and the driver shoved the last bag into the boot.

"And that would be?" Lara proceeded to swagger to the right passenger seat with a faux drunken look only answering as Wesley got into the back seat with his backpack in a surprisingly convincing slurred English accent. "Why, party later of course brother~" The young man gave a soft chuckle at that and gave the driver a quick heads up on where they needed to go. With a soft sigh Lara leaned into her seat as the taxi moved onto the highway "So, all joking aside Wes, we gonna go for the normal tourist sites? Or.." She paused for dramatic effect, "are we gonna look for weird stuff first? This _is _Great Britian – you'd think being the oddest place on earth would help that last one anyway."

Taking out the i-phone he conned his father into purchasing on their trip to Hong-Kong, Wesley tapped at the screen lightly before speaking "Eh. The normal tourist sites will probably be packed...we may as well check the weird stuff first", a few soft tapping noises and the thrumming of the car's engine seemed to fill the air before Lara answered with a grin.

"Sweeeeet~ Aw man, this place will be great! Way better than the States, way better."

A grin and a chuckle was returned as a response, "Yeah, probably will". A few more taps and Wesley finally looked up from the phone's screen "It'll be about forty minutes give or take before we get to the hotel."

Lara had a small smile on her face – filled with slight anticipation and plotting – as she looked out the window before settling against the Taxi's door. "And after that we're on our own... wake me up when we get there?"

A soft affirmative was mumbled out as the taxi drove on, Wesley flicking through the videos on the phone to pass the time until they arrived.

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Later on that evening, Lara grinned excitedly as she got out of the rental, her brother exiting a short while after. "Here we are~ Pretty awesome right?"

Wesley merely gave the darkened forested field and the abandoned stone building in the distance a rather dry look before cleaning his glasses. "Nice...mind telling me where we are since you were skipping out on details the entire ride here?"

She seemed to take inner glee from his ignorance of their destination. "Awww, come on bro... can't you take a guess?" Between the very distant lights of the city and the illumination from their flashlights Wesley couldn't help but feel a little unsettled in the moonless night, putting his glasses back on and proceeding to dig out his water bottle out of his bag.

"No...not really..."

Waiting for the right moment, Lara answered the question just as he took a sip from the bottle. "We're at Carfax Abbey, that ringing any bells?" Giving her brother a teasing grin as a quizzical look appeared on his face before slipping into one of complete and utter shock, culminating into a spectacular spit-take followed by coughing as she leisurely walked ahead."Oh cool, so you DO know it!"

Wesley merely gave her a completely and utterly flabbergasted look to that of her bemused one. "Lara...why the HELL are we even here...oh I dunno...at NIGHT?" He felt himself twitch a little when she waved it off.

"Relax Wes. Yeah, I know. Breaking scary movie rule 1 - don't go into haunted, abandoned buildings at night. Honestly, it got dark on our way here and I didn't want to turn around." She gave him a sheepish grin. "Too lazy."

Wesley gave a low and frustrated noise, promptly facepalming and giving her a very annoyed look as his hand moved away from his face. "Lara. You amaze me and NOT in the good way." Lara moved on along the plant life, giving him a grin.

"What? Is my lack of caution or my sheer pig headedness?" She continued ahead before stopping a distance away from the abbey, looking somewhat confused and a little nervous, promptly lowering her voice to a whisper. "_Wait...hold up...something's wrong..._"

"_Not funny Lara!"_

"_Dude…I'm seriously not kidding here, getting some really bad juju around this place_" She shivered, giving him a frightened look as she tried to hear anything that would be out of place. "Wesley…do you hear that?"

The young man gave a soft whisper as he looked around nervously "_I…think I hear….something_"

"_I know…inside the abbey….but… there's nothing making any noise out here….no frogs…no birds…no bugs."_ She bit her lip, looking and feeling alarmed and.. regretful. Very _very_ regretful. "_This was a bad idea… Wesley I swear if we get killed, you can beat me to death wherever we end up._" Wesley merely gave a soft hiss, near vocalizing a familiar four letter word while the pair crept to the direction of the car before completely and utterly stilling within their hiding place in the tall grass. Wesley felt his bowels spasm as a chilling sense of complete and utter terror washed over him, barely missing the soft whimper of oh god from Lara.

Dead ahead, circling the area like camouflaged sharks in the gloom of the night sea, were people. Six hunched over figures shuffling around the rental uttering low groans that reverberated in Wesley and Lara's ears. However, they were unlike any sort that the duo had yet encountered in the short span of their twenty year old lives – possibly about to be cut off completely.

"_Lara…please…please tell me for the love of god those aren't what I think they are._" Lara bit her lip, struggling badly to get a handle on the fear that was chewing at her.

"_Calm down …we…we need a plan. We need to be calm and have a plan.. do you have a signal on your cell?" _She glanced around the tree-line like a cornered animal, hoping that she didn't see anything else.

"_I got one...but it's really weak…batteries are half-way done too._" He gave her a scared look, waiting for her to spill the plan.

She did everything she could not to flinch when the sounds of low talking and shuffling emanated from the abbey. "_Okay. I'm... not usually the one to do this stuff, but we need to split up and head for the tree line. I'll – I'll distract them, but you need to try to get some people on the horn about this... Well, this is turning out to be a fucking shitty vacation. I'm sorry I got us both killed._"

Wesley nodded softly as he listened "_Yeah...yeah th-...no...no... no splitting up_. He shook his head firmly, the prospect of having to survive this alone was terrible enough.

Lara sent him a fear-hardened, harsh glance. "_They get us both together and we're really fucked! I know the Scooby Doo method usually doesn't work, but they're faster than either of us. You NEED to get a hold of someone... ... even if we don't make it..._"

He let off a tiny whimper before looking back at the car, noticing something _wrong_ with the picture before an ice cold stab in his heart echoed through his body. He barely choked out the words to his sister-figure. "_Oh god_..._Lara, wasn't there six of them there?_"

One completely and utterly horrified look was his answer as she shoved him away from her._"Go, run the other way! Get the goddamn signal!_" Lara tore out of the hiding place with a loud and sharp whistle, drawing the attention of the ghouls and possibly their masters inside the abbey before dashing off. Wesley kept low and ran, trying not to be seen as he cussed under his breath repeatedly praying over and over as he tried to get a call off.

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Hidden from view inside the centuries-aged stonework, a pair of figures watched the scene with quaint amusement, tinged with a night's bloodlust and _hunger_. "Well...the mice have finally fled." The vampire licked its lips at the prospect of feeding, its companion looking equally as eager. "Take the girl, the male is mine."


End file.
